Insomniac

Since I've been working as a school teacher, having the holidays and all, it just didn't feel right to take sick days. So I've been going to work with a bad cold for the past two days (holidays start tomorrow at 2PM).

Because I haven't been able to do much more than crash after work and spend my afternoons in a coma for these past two days, I've been having trouble sleeping at night. Tonight, having watched Gilmore girl's for the umpteenth time, having read a few chapters of Flanagan's The Sound of One Hand Clapping and talking on the prohe to a guy who was just coming home from work, and still not being able to not toss and turn in my bed, I turned on the TV just in time to catch the last two song on Alternative Nation: Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) and Elbow - One Day Like This.

I know the first one by heart and I often quote it. The second just seems to promise a great new beginning for me or at least a nice day tomorrow. I'll take either.

Did you know you could do that?

I didn't.

Today you made me run 8 km without stopping. Without feeling tired, without feeling out of breath, without a shadow of a doubt, I thought of you the whole way up and down hills, around corners and among trees. I feel elated, pleased and so proud. I feel sick to my stomach because I know it's you. It really has always been you. Did you know it's you? I didn't. Did you know I would fall for you? I didn't. Did you know you could do this to me? I didn't.

Do you know we can never be together? I do.

It's a tough thing when you realise you are on your own. And I don't mean move-out-of-your-parent's-house on your own. I mean completely alone in the world. There is no one looking out for you a 100 %, there is no one you can really count on for anything and everything. Does that mean you stop being there for others and stop caring 100 % for people around you? No, you don't. Well, I don't. I can't. There will just be less invitations to send out once in a while and no more counting on others to send out invitations to me. Oh, well...

Thoughts on trains and trains of thought

I miss commuting. When I was going to school or working in Ljubljana I used to take the train. I hated getting up early, I had to walk the 20 minutes to the station, I always arrived early, because there aren't many trains... But I loved sitting alone on the train with my headphones and a book, a magazine or nothing at all but the view through the window or of the inside of my eyelids. I loved those 40 minutes of warmth when there was a blizzard outside and the roads were jammed for miles. It really made my day, every day.