Sidenote

Do old pieces of writing seem silly to everyone? They do to me. Don't read them. You have been warned.

Eternal loop of whining

So I've totally abandoned this blog as I had suspected I would. As I've been having a crappy time lately I've remembered this wonderful way to release frustration without getting myself into too much trouble as I've done with drinking and writing open and honest letters to people who I thought would appreciate them.

Anyway, here it is. How do you get yourself into a hopeful state of mind? How do you lure your optimistic self back out to the surface? You see the past year has taken a lot of that from me. Three months ago my dad died, I haven't had steady work for quite some time and I've gone through a breakup about a month ago, that really finished me off, I think. I've been justifying and making logical healthy decisions (which for the time being still only feel like excuses) about everything that's happened and still I doubt myself in everything that I do, so I prefer to do nothing which leads to apathy and provokes burning guilt that I'm not doing anything with my life. And I'm not. I'm dangerously nearing 30 and have nothing to show for it. I feel like I'm getting so bitter that any good thing going for anyone I know makes me insanely jealous which of course I can't admit, so I keep to myself not to accidentally lash out and scratch out the eyes of anyone whose only goal is to make me feel better. It's a vicious double loop that I'm in.
I've tried to occupy my mind with going back to school and finally finish what I set out to finish. Care to venture a guess how long that lasted? Two days. Maybe.
I've tried to occupy my mind with going back to school and finally finish what I set out to finish. Care to venture a guess how long that lasted? Two days. Maybe.

So, what do I do? I turn to music and movies, two beautiful worlds that can yank you out of whatever state of mind you're in at least for an hour or two and after that you can breathe again and continue your life. Nothing works. Movies don't interest me. They don't even capture my attention long enough for me to put down my phone and stop playing spider solitaire. And I can't for the life of me find a band or record that would excite me even a little bit.

I've tried sports. That always lifts me up because I set my mind to something and before I know it a month has passed and I'm over whatever I was trying to get over. I've become to lazy and sports don't work.

Advice from anyone with good intentions doesn't work, because I get annoyed immediately. Crying works just to the point, that I don't feel guilty for wasting time but I convince myself that if I feel bad enough to cry I must feel bad enough to not have to be doing anything of substance.

I know having a regular job or anything that I could occupy my life with would help, but I've lost the will to look.

So, what I'm trying to say here is that I've never been in this sort of place before in my life. I've never not had enough will power to convince myself of just about anything. I'm lost and I know it. So, not being a man and all, I'm asking for directions. That is all.

Insomniac

Since I've been working as a school teacher, having the holidays and all, it just didn't feel right to take sick days. So I've been going to work with a bad cold for the past two days (holidays start tomorrow at 2PM).

Because I haven't been able to do much more than crash after work and spend my afternoons in a coma for these past two days, I've been having trouble sleeping at night. Tonight, having watched Gilmore girl's for the umpteenth time, having read a few chapters of Flanagan's The Sound of One Hand Clapping and talking on the prohe to a guy who was just coming home from work, and still not being able to not toss and turn in my bed, I turned on the TV just in time to catch the last two song on Alternative Nation: Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) and Elbow - One Day Like This.

I know the first one by heart and I often quote it. The second just seems to promise a great new beginning for me or at least a nice day tomorrow. I'll take either.

The lovely and taleneted

Here he is. John Van Deusen, a young and talented voice that is incidentally the frontman of Lonely Forest whose album Arrows comes out today.

Since I've heard the song a million times so far and it is starting to sound more and more like a lullaby, the lyrics of which don't even mean anything anymore and you only remember your mum singing it to you over and over, I'll just say I don't mind looking at that sweet face that really does hope for a new life to take it away. I believe him!

Did you know you could do that?

I didn't.

Today you made me run 8 km without stopping. Without feeling tired, without feeling out of breath, without a shadow of a doubt, I thought of you the whole way up and down hills, around corners and among trees. I feel elated, pleased and so proud. I feel sick to my stomach because I know it's you. It really has always been you. Did you know it's you? I didn't. Did you know I would fall for you? I didn't. Did you know you could do this to me? I didn't.

Do you know we can never be together? I do.

OK, boys. So, you're planning to stay?

It's so wierd how some music creeps up on you and stays in your head. Thankfully, this doesn't only go for the annoying kind.

I don't have a habit of sniffing out new music. It usually sort of comes to me, one way or another. Now, I know that Kings of Leon have been pretty hard to miss these days, but I still haven't gotten roud to the (not-so) new album yet. Till today, that is. I've had the line "It's in the water" in my head for about two weeks now and I think it's time to give in. I'll check in with the results.

I just can't keep away

I'm in Spain. Again. Second time in 4 months ant third in about 10 years. Everyone asks me if I really love Spain. I love it as much as I love travelling and going somewhere other than home, but truthfully, it was an accident. In July we went for the Bilbalo festival and I found the Basque region enchanting. This time it's a cheap vacation that also allows kiteborading and here I am again, this time in Tarifa.

The thing I've noticed about the Spanish is that as hearty and charming as they are, they can also be (most of them unintentionally) very ignorant. Forget speaking any foreign languages, they don't need to. They still drive their cars everywhere, even in the old part of town where most European cities have banished it. They all have dogs (hundreds of dogwalkers every morning tread the beach) and they all let them shit on the sidewalk and anywhere else for that matter. And they barely recycle.

Other than that, it a perfect place for a fall vacation. I'm sitting outside, sipping coffee in a skirt and short sleeves on the 27 Octobre and hearing news from Slovenia of early snow.

It's a tough thing when you realise you are on your own. And I don't mean move-out-of-your-parent's-house on your own. I mean completely alone in the world. There is no one looking out for you a 100 %, there is no one you can really count on for anything and everything. Does that mean you stop being there for others and stop caring 100 % for people around you? No, you don't. Well, I don't. I can't. There will just be less invitations to send out once in a while and no more counting on others to send out invitations to me. Oh, well...

Thoughts on trains and trains of thought

I miss commuting. When I was going to school or working in Ljubljana I used to take the train. I hated getting up early, I had to walk the 20 minutes to the station, I always arrived early, because there aren't many trains... But I loved sitting alone on the train with my headphones and a book, a magazine or nothing at all but the view through the window or of the inside of my eyelids. I loved those 40 minutes of warmth when there was a blizzard outside and the roads were jammed for miles. It really made my day, every day.

A night in Cvetličarna

OK. So, a lot has happened since my last post... The most recent of events was a concert I witnessed on Saturday. The right company can make the night, let me tell you. It was basically all my concert buddies in one place. Cvetlicarna. But that isn't saying the event itself wasn't all it was made up to be.

I hadn't been to Cvetlicarna since its reopening. First glance, it's not all that different. The stage, the bars and the VIP section are all bigger. I haven't yet decided about the sound because of the closeness I felt to the bar and my 3,5€ gin and tonic. Plus, I didn't want to repeat my Mudhoney experience of being front row mosh pit centre, but that's another story. The sound was very decent in the middle back, though.

Morso did a really great job warming everyone up and exceeded my expectation. Over their rock core came their indie, almost ArcadeFireian (my blog, my words), harmonies in the bridging shouts, ooohs and aaaahs. The music weighed out their matching outfits, that looked a bit silly in the "Dubioza kolektiv" colours or, to use a more widespread reference, the colours of a big fat bumblebee.

And then came Mr. Urban himself. Remarkably, not many references popped in my head. His voice is his own, there's none like it. The melos and the edge have never gone better together and the lyrics have that honest dedication to them that is nearly creepy and stalking but not quite. I love his honesty and that's exactly what it sounded like.

I left feeling energized and happy. Than again it could have been the gin and tonic...

Summer in instalments (PART 1)

After a short break I'm tuning back in to report of our great musical odessy. Well, I've done trips like this before, even a more extensive one, but this one is fresh in my mind and I've got a lot to say about it. Because people have complained that my posts are too long I'll do this in shorter posts each concerning a different aspect of our trip and I'l like to begin with just some basic info about it.

Reason for the trip: Bilbao BBK Live festival

Line-up: Faith No More, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Gogol Bordelo, Skunk Anansie, Dropkick Murphys, Slayer, Rammstein and many more.

Passengers: Maja, Grega, Ana, Špela

People who also joined us: Simon, Katja, Nataša, Matjaž and many others who only now understand that Slovenia is a European country and is not the same as Croatia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Czechoslovakia, Belorussia, Yugoslavia or the Soviet Union.

Departure: Logatec, Lom, 4:52 AM, 4 July 2010

Distance (one way): 1775 km (approx. 100 km detour not included)

Route: Logatec (SLO) - Nice (FR) - Toulouse (FR) - San Sebastian (ESP) - Bilbao (ESP) - Toulouse - Savona(IT) - Logatec

Return: Logatec, 4somethingPM, 13 July 2010

That's all for now. There will be more posts about the road, the people, sightseeing, the festival itself and, of course, the performances we've seen.

Keep reading..........

KATJA*KATJA*KATJA*KATJA*KATJA*KATJA

You are too special for a text or a FB wall post. You get your own post on my blog! :)

Time Warp

I've just come back from a wedding. It's 3:08 AM and I've discovered that the time of my posts is all wrong! Don't know what is going on there, but there it is!

What I've learned tonight: You DON'T change your wedding date to get a band with an accordian, you DON'T serve soup at 2:30 AM and you DO, by any means, change the seating chart so you DON'T sit next to a) your parents, b) a drunken uncle or c) anywhere near the band but close to an emergency exit!

Take this wisdom to heart and remember: Nazdravlja se s človekom, ne s pijačo! (Wouldn't have worked in English, so just go with it!)

Movie Night

Well, not exactly. It was a night of film music. The Logatec Wind Orchestra performed the most famous pieces of film music from Star Wars, Superman, The Magnificent 7, Jurassic Park, James Bond and of course Morricone's masterpiece from the Dollars trilogy.

All in all it was a great show. The orchestra took a while (about half way into the Star Wars piece) to get warmed up and pull it together but when they did, they were unstoppable. Alongside the music, they also prepeared clips from the films acording to what the music was describing. Seing as it is very heard to time live music to a specific time frame, they did a great job. They were pretty much on point the whole time and when they slowed down, someone pushed the pause button and waited it out. It looked pretty funny but it worked.

There we loads of people there and, of course, nowhere to sit. So, we stood in the back for a couple of "songs" and than we found a seat in the very-near-by pub and tried to guess the film. The most comfusing was James Bond. We couldn't figure it out until about a minute into the piece when the famous theme began. And all through the piece there were strange parts that weren't at all tipical for the film.

As the last number they played music from a 1957 Slovenian film "Ne čakaj na Maj" (something like "Don't Wait for the Month of May") which was pretty much just the title song and not much else. I wouldn't say it qualifies as film music because the song itself is pretty famous around here.

I love good classical music and I love music for film, fo for me, this was a great night. I remember the orchestra being better but they have a lot of new young people now and they are trully on their way to their foremr glory. One of the trumpeters even transcribed the 20th Century Fox theme for the wind orchestra (it was originally composed for simphony orchestra) and that to me is very impressing.

I leave you with the song "Ne čakaj na maj", composed by Borut Lesjak, lyrics by Fran Milčinski

This morning I was woken up by the monstrous voice of one of my personal greates, Mr. Mike Patton. This is a song he produced in his project Lovage which I just love. The album is called Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady by and I believe it's the sexiest music I've ever heard. It's steamy hot, creepy and dramatic and it just gets my juices flowing. Anything Mike Patton puts his hands on does that for me, really, but I'll talk about that some other time. For now, enjoy Anger Management.

my inner demons compel me to be here

your cheeks are flush like rose petals

you're consumed with rage but i'm consumed with you

our eyes intertwine through the haze

intoxicated by your bloodshot stare

in all of my dreams i never thought i'd see

a face that could launch a thousand ships

and the music was like wind in your hair

the moonlight caressed your silhouette

kiss of ocean mist is in the air

why must god punish me this way

lay down my hand the next move is yours

as you undress me with your frozen eyes

in all of my dreams I never thought I'd see

an endless love to share my blue lagoon

and the music was like wind in your hair

the moonlight caressed your silhouette

kiss of ocean mist is in the air

why must god punish me this way

happiness is hard to come by

but I've had my fair share

the satin sheets, the lemon peels

the minor keys, the major pills

we've climbed the mountain, saw the top

and planted the apple seed

and can't you see we could've had it all

and the music was like wind in your hair

the moonlight caressed your silhouette

kiss of ocean mist is in the air

why must God punish me this way

and the music was like wind in your hair

the moonlight caressed your silhouette

kiss of ocean mist is in the air

why must god punish me this way

why must god punish me this way

this way, this way, this way ...

Ready to Start

I've just listened to the new Arcade Fire EP or Single or a pre-album or whatever you may call it for the first time. I believe it is called The Suburbs, the songs are: The Suburbs, Month of May, Ready to Start (hence the title of this post) and We Used to Wait.

My first thought was: True AF but not really. Sounds kind of wierd but there it is. Wierd is the oppinion, not the music. Well, just wierd enough. And now I'm babbling.

I loved Ready to Start and I've already posted these words on my FB wall (as I am one to do):

"If I was scared, I would

And if I was bored, you know I would

And if I was yours, but I'm not..."

Right after posting this I realised it would cause some raised eyebrows and trigger a chain of worried comments since I have a boyfriend, but nothing yet. I'm not holding my breth.

So, back to the music... Before I get into it, I'd just like to say that I've only listened to it once and my oppinion may change.

It's not as epic and pompous as I remember AF to be. It's much more playful, lighter and more "la-di-da", but it's still tipical AF off-beat, cool hippy music. Win Butler's voice makes it more AF than anything else. Without him the music would be very different. Just wrong.

The moment that Month of May began to play, I was convinced that I had my winamp player set on random. The song begins as a punk-biker's hymn would. "Wierd", I thought as the lyrics at one point say: "In the month of May, everybody sing love." But what do I know. I haven't had time to read, understand and interpret the lyrics yet.

I used to really love AF but I kind of lost track of what they were doing, as I often do. The same thing happened with me and Interpol (at this moment, I'm brushing up on their discography).

I've been "preparing" for the Bilbao festival that begins in about a week and a half and I've had Pearl Jam, Skunk Anansie and mostly Faith No More in my ears the whole time. A friend, who is kind of an alarm clock and calendar for music and concerts, kept nagging me to get back into AF and Interpole since they both had some new stuff out recently. Tonight I decided to take him up on his nagging and I am NOT sorry!

And here's the thing. This is why I love music so much and can never get enough of it, ever. I listen to something new (or old-new as odds would have it) and I get swept away. And I keep getting swept away each time I listen to the same thing and find something new to inspire me.

I guess this is not a bad first post. I've written about music I listen to, about my future plans and about how I feel about music. This blog will also feature some other aspects of my life that are in any way affected by what I listen to or, well, don't. There is not a lot I don't or won't listen to at least once and I have an opinion on everything.

Expect concert and album reviews, my own jammering about music, useful tips on jogging, sometimes even cooking but it's all mostly music. If you have something to say, don't hesitate or hold back. I'll try to keep my answers and posts as up-to-date as I possibly can.

As I've said in the description, I'm writing in English because sometimes it's easier to get it out when words get stuck in your mouth. I wonder who said that... I guess it's my quote now. I can, however, quote an Ani Difranco song: "I can't shut it now 'cause there's something in it."

P.S.: I'm just discovering how much I've missed Interpol and that they're the perfect jogging music. You get so into it that you forget you are actually torturing your knees and spitting out your lungs.